


Five Times Haruka Tanizawa and Hirono Shimizu Kissed

by Tallulah



Category: Battle Royale (Manga)
Genre: Bullying, Developing Friendships, F/F, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Masturbation, School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-13
Updated: 2008-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:13:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25245937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tallulah/pseuds/Tallulah
Summary: A few disinterested kindnesses and messy, stupid kisses.
Relationships: Shimizu Hirono/Tanizawa Haruka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Five Times Haruka Tanizawa and Hirono Shimizu Kissed

Seventh grade. The girls' bathroom. The lights are sickly yellow and Haruka is washing her hands in a cracked sink when the door flies back against the wall and those girls, Souma and Shimizu, the ones Haruka's already figured it's best to stay away from even though she's only been here three days, are sauntering in. 

Souma just stops and stares, her face bored, but then after a few seconds she looks at Shimizu and Shimizu starts talking. Questions. _So, which school did you come from? Oh, that's the one where all the dykes come from. Are you a dyke, Tanizawa? Come on, tell us. Bet you've never kissed a boy, Tanizawa -_

Souma breaks in here to observe, still boredly, that _guys don't like fucking giantesses. Creeps 'em out -_

and Shimizu is coming closer and closer and spitting out the questions, _bet you've never kissed a boy, so who do you kiss? Come on, tell us._ And she shoves Haruka back against the sinks and for a moment Haruka is numb because no one's ever tried to hurt her before and - 

But only for a second. Like in volleyball when the ball is flying towards you and you've got no time to think - 

She shoves Shimizu away from her, and hisses out, "Don't touch me." _Ooh, she likes it really!_ Shimizu says and Souma is just watching and then Shimizu shoves her again and grabs her shoulders and slams a big, sloppy kiss half on her mouth, half on her cheek.

Haruka shoves her off again. She's so angry that her hands ache, but she manages to say, very coolly, "I'm not the one who likes kissing girls."

Souma laughs.

Shimizu's eyes narrow, but the next moment she's turned around, shrugging, _C'mon, let's go find a bathroom that doesn't stink._

***

Eighth grade. A school trip, and Haruka had a fight with Satomi and now she doesn't know what to say to the rest of them. She finds herself outside the teaching centre, walking down a nettle-filled path, and sees Hirono Shimizu sitting there, elbows on her knees, smoking. It's odd to watch Hirono when she doesn't know she's being looked at. The sharpness in her face isn't there - instead, as her mouth tightens round the cigarette, she just looks tired, and - and young.

Then she notices Haruka and looks round and the typical smirk is back. _Gonna go tell teacher I'm skiving?_

"No."

_Cos you shouldn't be here either._

Haruka wants to sit down, pick at the grass, share the cigarette, talk to someone who's never ever been _nice_ , but she's an athlete so she doesn't smoke and if you pretend being nice doesn't matter then you might as well give up now. 

"What are you doing out here, anyway?"

Hirono says something about how she needed a break and why is that a problem? She asks why Haruka's out here. 

"Same thing."

_I doubt that,_ Hirono says, and flicks her cigarette into a clump of grass. _God, you make me sick sometimes. Does it not do your head in that your life is so fucking dull?_

Haruka's mouth falls open and all she can say is, "Excuse me?"

And Hirono rolls her eyes and stands up and marches over to Haruka and kisses her and a jolt rushes down through Haruka's stomach. Hirono tastes of smoke and her mouth is all warm and she shouldn't be doing this and Haruka shouldn't be - it's only mouths touching, it shouldn't - 

_There_ , Hirono says. _Now get a fucking clue and stop acting like you're so much better than me._

They stand staring at each other. Haruka wants to slap her, or scream accusations, but she makes herself not. Hirono will know she got to her - that it felt - that it - 

So she just stares, gritting her teeth to keep her face blank.

Hirono smirks, and pushes past Haruka, calling, _Better hurry back. You don't want to be in trouble._

***

Ninth grade. Three days after the guy gave her a lift. She wants to tell someone. But if she tells her parents they'll be horrified and she doesn't want to see them horrified and if she tells her friends they - they - (what if they don't get it? What if they think she's lying? None of them have ever -) 

She would cry, and it would be embarrassing. She tells herself this and tries to ignore the fact she's crying anyway, but over little things like too much homework or screwing up in gym class. Yukie hugs her and Noriko squeezes her hand and Satomi lends her notes and Chisato watches her, worried, and none of it means anything because they don't know.

She is sitting on the grass by the path up to school, and the sun is setting, and the grass scratches her legs and it all seems wrong that she still feels things like this, it should be that stuff like that has changed, it's all changed - 

She is rubbing away the tears and wondering if maybe things will always be like this in which case maybe she should throw herself under a train or something and she doesn't notice Hirono coming to sit next to her until it's too late.

_So who died?_ Hirono says. _No... if someone'd died you'd have told the rest of the glee club. Okay, so is it someone's beating you up for your milk money? Cos that's my job._

"Go away."

_No. This isn't your patch of grass, and I need a smoke._

"Those things stink."

_Parents divorcing? But I would've thought you'd have spilled your guts about that too. And if you had a crush on someone you'd walk around farting sunshine and rainbows, not crying all the time._

"I _said_ go away!"

_Who was the guy?_ Hirono says, tilting her head up to blow smoke at the sunset. _You give me a name, I can point Mitsuko his way. We'll have fun with him._

Haruka doesn't remember much of the conversation after that. She remembers a split-second of crying, fists pressed to her eyes like she's four years old, and the grass still tickling her legs. She remembers Hirono saying _ah, fuck it_ and leaning over and ruffling Haruka's hair before kissing her on the forehead. _I was trying to be nice. God, stop being such a wuss._

She remembers telling Hirono the guy's name and she refuses to remember herself sobbing _I hate him I hate him_ and she refuses to find out what happened next. She goes back to her friends the next day and she doesn't look at Hirono.

***

Ninth grade. Three days before the class trip. Haruka is kept behind after gym class to be talked at about team commitments, and by the time she gets to the changing room, it's almost empty, except for Hirono, who is just stepping out of the shower, unashamedly _not_ wrapped in a towel.

Haruka is too hot and her hair is sticking to her forehead and she can feel warm, damp air brushing the backs of her legs and the gap between her T-shirt and her shorts. And she has looked at Hirono before she can help herself, at Hirono's skin all shiny with water and the line of her collarbones and her breasts, slightly bigger than fists, and - and it's not that she _likes_ looking, it's just that, that she's never - she's never _noticed_ before - 

And Hirono is laughing.

This one is not a clear memory. This one Haruka only remembers when she is trying to sleep. It is then that she lets herself remember Hirono's wet hands on her face and Hirono's mouth strong and mocking and still tasting of smoke although with a stale overtone of mint, Hirono's skin getting water all over her, and she is - she is reaching up, she is letting her fingers trail over the other girl's throat, breasts, _she shouldn't be touching, she should -_ but she is, and she is scared and she's quivering all over as if she's been running too fast and the back of her neck aches because Hirono is making her stoop so their faces can touch and she doesn't want this to stop, she wants - she wants - 

_Don't look so freaked out. A few sessions of tonsil hockey don't mean anything._

_Oh, I know - chill, Tanizawa. This'll be our little secret. To be honest, Mitsuko and I've got bigger fish to fry than you._

_This is just a laugh, all right?_

***

Ninth grade. The second night of the Program.

Haruka can't sleep, and not because the lighthouse is cold and draughty or because the bed smells of damp or because any of the noises out there could be someone coming to kill her. She can't sleep because she said - she blurted out to Yukie - _what about Hirono Shimizu?_ and the others all looked at her as if she were crazy. 

Haruka doesn't think Hirono would play. 

Haruka isn't sure why she thinks this. A few disinterested kindnesses and messy, _stupid_ kisses don't mean someone won't play to win now when it's that or die. 

Maybe she thinks this because she thinks she herself won't play, and she thinks that maybe she's more like Hirono than any of her friends. 

(Her friends don't shove, or skive off on school trips, or accept lifts from the wrong guys, or kiss girls in the changing rooms.)

Haruka has just run through all the kisses and suddenly she wishes Hirono were here, in the bed with her, _kissing like we did before_ , and it's okay to think that now when she could (will be) dead tomorrow. And she closes her eyes and rolls onto her back and the not-really-here-Hirono is on top of her, kissing at her mouth and throat and pulling up her shirt and reaching up under her skirt and doing the things Haruka would never, ever admit to anyone that she even knows the existence of. (And if she doesn't know, then it follows it cannot be her touching herself now, right? _It must be **her** -_)

Kamon's voice breaks the heavy silence, and she curls up, feeling as if he knows exactly what she was doing. Perhaps he does - cameras, remember - 

There is only one dead, and of course it's _her_.

Haruka cries quietly, because it isn't as if there's anyone else on the report she can pretend she feels for instead. And when she wakes, on the last morning of her life, she is able to smile and joke and tell herself that really, there's nothing to feel sorry about, and nothing to miss.


End file.
